facial hair porn?

What happens when you rent a foreign TV miniseries from Netflix and anticipate it being pretty good, because your sister says "it's got real people in it"? The second I removed The Incredible Journey of Mary Bryant from its sleeve I was wondering what I got myself into. The moment it begins you also know you're in cheesy made-for-TV territory. Even if that territory happens to be down under. The close ups, the editing, and yes, even the acting...oh how bad. And yet I watched all three hours of it. For what? Of course I wanted to know how it ended, but also for the glimpses of facial hair porn.

What?

Let me explain.

So Mary marries this chap just after arriving at Botany Bay, where they are going to build the new penal colony that I think eventually evolved into Sydney (who learns much about Australia over here? And some googling indicates this is so, but the dates the movie gives are a bit off). Anyway, they get married (they get the added privilege of building a house for doing so...don't get me started on that one) and then they go off into the woods or something to have sex. It's sort of like the honeymoon scene, but it looks more like a romantic version of Red Shoe Diaries, including a priceless cut where you see their heads nuzzle with a generous shot of the lovely gathering of stubble on his face. That got me off.

But of course a female heroine is never satisfied with one man, so there's another that's in love with her and she's using him to help improve her condition in (and eventual escape from) the penal colony. His sideburns get progressively longer and bushier as the story progresses. Jack Davenport may only play the same kind-but-stern British navy man, but damn, so long as he's got a nice pair of sideburns, I just might watch it all.