who wants to teach me how to sow?

I'm so fed up. For years, the only pants that fit me perfectly were from Gap in their ankle length. Now, "ankle" is too long for me unless I wear heels--something I refuse to do! This is unbelievably frustrating. Why have they all of a sudden decided to make ankle longer? Who told them short people were getting taller? Who are these ankle pants on anyway? Cameron Diaz?

Of course this has bothered me for a couple of months now. But since I am the queen of procrastination (I should be writing a paper right now; I will, don't worry), and I did my laundry for the week and considered packing what I need for my trip to Coral Gables, Florida (this coming Thursday-Sunday). So I pulled out two brand new pairs of pants that I plan to wear at the conference to be sure they fit lengthwise. They're great with these kitten heels I was planning to wear anyway, but they don't fit with shoes I wear on a regular basis (they just touch the ground and are too "puffy" at the foot only because they are too long).

What the fuck am I going to do? I can't imagine paying $10 per pair to have an inch shaved off, but I might have to do it unless someone wants to show me how to do it myself and promise it won't take me more than ten minutes. Who knows if it's even as cheap as $10 in these parts--I had to pay $28 to have my blazer's arms shortened. Really, I'm in need of a good, cheap seamstress. I can't grow and it appears pants won't come in my inseam for now.

Oh, and while I'm seeking advice for services in the vicinity of Silver Lake...anyone got any recommendations on tattoo parlors?

This is all very serious, as goofy as it sounds.