(im)patience is a virtue(?)

I'm the first to admit that I am the most impatient person on earth. I'm always in a hurry. People constantly ask why, and I don't have a straight answer. I think a rather large part of it is my definitiveness. I know what I want and usually how to get it, so why the hell should I wait? Just watch me drive for an illustration.

But what happens when the adage "patience is a virtue" and people constantly nagging you to be patient actually inspire you to try your hand at patience? Disaster.

Nearly two months ago I made a conscious decision to be patient. What I was being patient for isn't as important as understanding that I deemed it worthy of patience. I was convinced that making this kind of sacrifice and compromise would yield something that I have wanted for a long time--and maybe even my impatience had been a roadblock to previous efforts. But as time passed, uncertainty grew, and my patience was trying (though I remained fiercely loyal to the experiment), I became unglued.

Well, my patience didn't pay off. The experiment only served to show that there's a reason for my impatience--the occurring phenomenon of me being burned for holding out on uncertain terms. In this trial, I'm convinced that the compromise was completely one-sided, which is dangerous, but also illustrative of my giving nature.

The moral of the tale? My impatience protects me from uncertainty and vulnerability. So stop fucking nagging me about it.