what to do while avoiding writing fellowship applications

1. Watch movies you wouldn't pay to rent via Netflix's watch now feature.
2. Watch movies you used to own on VHS via Netflix's watch now feature.
3. Constantly check all email accounts and news feeds. Notice how almost nothing changes over the course of a day.
4. Comb through OkCupid and never find what you're looking for.
5. Watch PBS cooking, nature, history, and science programs you've probably seen before.

What the hell is wrong with me? Does any of that really sound that exciting to anyone? None of what I just listed even sounds interesting to me, and I'm the one doing it day after day instead of writing. What the hell is wrong with me? And why do I hate to write (productive things) so damn much?

It's as if I've worked my whole life to get to the point where I get paid to research, write, learn, and teach about what really interests me, and now that I'm there, I don't want to do it. That's exactly what it is. This is highly problematic since I'm supposed to do this for the rest of my life.

People bitch and moan about how horrible school is, especially that it's too restrictive and crushes creativity. I've been in school my whole life. I've thrived in it...until I burned out I guess. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be to transition from class-taker to dissertation-writer. Grad school doesn't really prepare you for some of the hardest things you have to do. And I still can't manage unstructured time effectively (that's an understatement).

What's even more ridiculous is that I'm really excited about my dissertation topic. But it's also very scary to be left to your own devices with such a big project. I've written theses before, but this is much bigger and much more important. This project is going to define my professional life for at least ten years. It's a lot of pressure, but I need to suck it up and just get on with it already.

you're not going to believe this (or maybe you will)

I haven't blogged in a while, so it's probably time I gave you some of my current frustrations.

First of all, I have a blister approaching the magnitude of the one featured in Run Fat Boy Run. (It was a funny movie, but it wasn't as great as the trailer made me think it might be. By the way, Allie spotted Hank Azaria in Westwood on our walk back to the car from the incredible Diddy Reese's.) Did you know that you can get a blister on top of one you already had? Now you know. It's ugly and it hurts when I walk. I'll spare you photographs.

Last night I attempted to see Sex and Death 101 at the Laemmle Sunset 5, where writer/director Daniel Waters was due to do a little Q&A afterwards. It was not publicized much from what I could tell, yet the damn thing sold out before I got there. When I got there and saw a bunch of late 30s/early 40s people milling about in front of the theater it hit me that I should have realized that most Gen Xers would flock to this (hey, it's a nice change of pace from seeing a movie with a theater full of The Greatest Generation). I was excited because Winona Ryder has actually got a significant part in a film! But they were excited (probably) because it's from the writer of Heathers. And this is after I listened to some guy promote his book about how great Generation X really is on one of the local NPR shows in the afternoon. I just thought it was a little funny. So I'm going this afternoon when it will be cheaper and hopefully not crowded. I don't like crowded movie theaters, especially non-stadium ones. I love Laemmle, but I'd really love them if they had stadium seating.

Then this morning I started looking into buying a Flight of the Conchords CD, because Allie got me hooked on the HBO show (via a YouTube video that made me laugh my ass off). They've got an EP out and a full length releasing later this month. I was bummed to see that they are going to be playing in L.A. on May 30, when I'm likely still to be back east celebrating Allie's graduation. I placed an order through SubPop to buy these things, and when I checked that email account I found an email from the Superdrag folks.

You can probably see where this is heading.

Superdrag has finally booked west coast dates! And guess when they are! In L.A. May 28 and 29! (San Francisco June 1 and 2.) Do you believe this? I fly across the country to see this band and then they decide to book L.A. dates when I'm unlikely to be in town! I'm so livid. I haven't booked a returning flight yet--so I can technically make it--but I was planning to spend more than one week there. Originally we were going to spend 2 weeks in Europe, but the trip planning has imploded and we're putting it off until later in the year. Now we're trying to get little East Coast trips in there. I already booked my flight east for the 21st since it was $99 (good luck seeing that kind of fare again with fuel prices and airlines cutting flights). Leaving earlier would have meant I'd have to grade final exams in record time. But if I had known about Superdrag...

All this really gets my goat.

Superdrag are recording a new album. They're going to tour again for that, right? Right? Should I just relax? Better said than done.

Obviously.

i hate myspace

There are many reasons why I hate MySpace, most of which I don't really feel like getting into.

My big beef with the damn thing right now is that Superdrag has allegedly posted NEW songs on their MySpace page (rather than their official website!), and for days now, I have not been able to load the fucking page in order to get the player to actually load. I can't even see what the songs are let alone play them. What the hell gives? I have tried different browsers, different times of day, signed in, signed out. Can you get the damn thing to load?