facial hair porn?

What happens when you rent a foreign TV miniseries from Netflix and anticipate it being pretty good, because your sister says "it's got real people in it"? The second I removed The Incredible Journey of Mary Bryant from its sleeve I was wondering what I got myself into. The moment it begins you also know you're in cheesy made-for-TV territory. Even if that territory happens to be down under. The close ups, the editing, and yes, even the acting...oh how bad. And yet I watched all three hours of it. For what? Of course I wanted to know how it ended, but also for the glimpses of facial hair porn.

What?

Let me explain.

So Mary marries this chap just after arriving at Botany Bay, where they are going to build the new penal colony that I think eventually evolved into Sydney (who learns much about Australia over here? And some googling indicates this is so, but the dates the movie gives are a bit off). Anyway, they get married (they get the added privilege of building a house for doing so...don't get me started on that one) and then they go off into the woods or something to have sex. It's sort of like the honeymoon scene, but it looks more like a romantic version of Red Shoe Diaries, including a priceless cut where you see their heads nuzzle with a generous shot of the lovely gathering of stubble on his face. That got me off.

But of course a female heroine is never satisfied with one man, so there's another that's in love with her and she's using him to help improve her condition in (and eventual escape from) the penal colony. His sideburns get progressively longer and bushier as the story progresses. Jack Davenport may only play the same kind-but-stern British navy man, but damn, so long as he's got a nice pair of sideburns, I just might watch it all.

postmodern cat calls?

As I was walking home from a haircut just now, some guy leaned out the rear window of a car and said, "Hey, lima bean!" I can't decide if it was a compliment or an insult. For the record, I'm wearing a bright green shirt.

I think it was supposed to be a compliment. Are cat calls postmodern now? Isn't the point to let the woman know you think she's attractive rather than have her scratching her head as to what just went on?

"life begins at 66" and other sexual tales

I thought this was absolutely hilarious, so I had to tell you about it. I get a weekly mailing (on Fridays...yeah, I'm a bit behind) of world news. I only skim it for the off-beat bits at the end (because I've already read about or heard the hardcore stuff on NPR).

Anyway, a brothel in Cologne offers 50% discounts to men over 66 between noon and 5 p.m. every day. Like any business trying to thrive in the global economy, the brothel manager says he's willing to make less money in order to attract a more diverse customer base.

Next week they're going to report that sales of Viagra have skyrocketed in Cologne. Just you wait.

i'm so short...

I almost didn't have milk in my tea this morning.

Yes, you read that correctly.

I went to breakfast on my way to see the movie since I had a craving for French toast (mine is better, but I'm too lazy to make it for one!), and I had a cup of earl grey with it too. And yes, despite the somewhat convention of not putting milk in earl grey, that's how I like it. So I went over to the "coffee condiment table," where the milk is kept in heavy thermoses you press from the top to dispense. The counter was too high to be comfortable for me, but what was worse was the milk resting all the way at the back. At first I thought it was empty, but when I tried to lift it, it was really heavy. So I had to stand on my tiptoes and press as hard as I could to get milk. It was a struggle.

I must have looked like an idiot, but of course no one offered to help. This is LA, and that would require human interaction not filtered through an electronic device of some sort.

How tall do you think people actually plan for?

the namesake

I saw The Namesake today. And I very much indeed recommend you see it too. It wasn't what I was expecting, but still a very powerful movie.

And Allie is right: Kal Penn is hot.

p.s. on d.c. visit

I bought another mobile from the National Building Museum.

Yes, that means there will be two mobiles in one studio apartment! It's a big studio, though.

What will this do for my feng shui?

southern accents

This week I did something I thought I'd never do. Of course, months leading into it, I knew I was going to do it, but it was still a bit surreal once I got there. I was on a military base. I went to Fort Benning, Georgia.

My brother joined the Army Reserve. Unbelievable, I know. I don't support militarism, I don't support the president (in anything he does), and I certainly don't support the war in Iraq or any other pending invasions. So when my brother did this, there was nothing I could do. I had to support my brother's decision to make a change in his life (yes, he really needed it). So when Louis's graduation from basic combat training ("don't call it 'boot camp'") fell during my Spring Break, I promised to go. And I'm glad I did.

When I first got there and saw the crowd of military uniforms, knowing my brother was one of them, I started to cry. How could this be happening? But I see positive changes in Louis. He takes his responsibility seriously. He looked good in his Class A's ("the pickle suit") and his ACUs ("don't call them 'fatigues'"). I trust that he can come visit me alone and we won't have any serious issues.

I also learned how to navigate Columbus, Georgia, where there was nothing to do. But they do have a Dairy Queen and no less than three Sonics! We went to the Columbus Museum, which is mostly art with a section on regional history. Let's just say I was not impressed with their treatment of slavery, the Civil War, or race relations (that last part was completely absent). But what can I expect? I also saw some store selling Southern heritage paraphernalia that uses the Confederate flag.

look what i found

Damn it, I went to look up fare prices for the DC Metro for my excursion today and wandered over to their gift shop. They have an awesome umbrella, but since it never rains where I live that's not exactly the most practical thing to spend $25 on.

This is, though:


Except, I have a TON of things to hang in my apartment, and even after living there a year, I haven't done it. Will someone please help me so I can buy this poster and display it?!

the short stay at "home" begins...

Returning home is somewhat like staying at a hostel. I had to make my own bed (and it's way too soft...I can't believe I loved this mattress), and the bathroom is scary.

Though at a hostel you wouldn't come home to find that your beloved dog Samson ate the rest of your dad's favorite candies that you and your sister handpicked in England. Separation anxiety is a bitch.

you have no idea...

what a nightmare grading is until you have to grade rather than be graded.

what is with ralph fiennes these days?

Last month, The Bible News reported that Ralph Fiennes had sex with a Qantas ("Qantas never crashes") flight attendant in the toilet aboard a flight. (And apparently she was fired for it.) Today they're reporting he was skinny dipping with four women at a hotel pool in Bruges and disturbing other guests. Somebody doesn't fit the stereotypically sexually-repressed Englishman, does he?

Why are we getting these reports? Why am I so fascinated with this? How big are his hands?

flirting with disaster?

Okay, so I have a bit of a dilemma. There's a guy in my building that I happen to think is really cute. Whenever we see each other we smile, say hi, and if we happen to catch the elevator we'll chat. We don't even know each other's names. Tonight I wanted to finally introduce myself, try to be cool, see if the chat could last, but of course I lost the nerve. And oh man I nearly swooned when he lifted his arm to reveal a string of small tattoos.

And he may think I'm a lesbian now, which is really not part of my plan to attract men. I said I went to see Gray Matters, but he didn't know what it was so I described it as a romantic comedy with a lesbian twist starring Heather Graham. While you certainly don't have to be a lesbian to want to see such a thing, clearly most people think that's who it's for. (And two of the three other people in the theater were lesbians. The other was an old man with a backpack and a plastic bag that emitted cigar and marijuana fumes.)

So what do I do? I've thought about leaving a note on his car. But I'll be mortified if I'm reading more into than I should be. I mean, hello, we live in the same building. But damn, part of me really wants to take that risk. "Come and knock on my door..." (we've been waiting for you...)

you knew someone had to think of it in this town...

Driving home from the movie, I hit some traffic on Sunset in Hollywood. But I also happened to notice a Prius with a license plate that reads "IMDB ME," which of course I found hilarious. I kept looking at the guy driving, but didn't recognize him. He was thin with a shaved head and he was wearing a tux (well, not the jacket, but the rest, you get it). Waiter maybe?

gray matters of the heart

I finally saw Gray Matters. I say finally, because last week I had free tickets to see an advance screening of it, but then I ended up not going because I procrastinated too much and knew that I wouldn't be able to sleep if I went to the movie instead of working. Then I made not one, but two, attempts to see it last weekend, but I cut it too close with time and hit massive traffic. So this afternoon I left with lots of extra time and errands to run.

I laughed a lot, but I have to say it was bad. It was so bad that it was possibly great. This could be another Big Daddy. A movie embarrassingly bad, but yet, at the same completely irresistible for me. I would imagine that most people would not like this movie. Gray (and other characters too) has this habit of relating way too much stuff to movies and other pop culture references (like when your mind wonders to Who's the Boss? with Tony Danza when someone says that phrase). Since I do that kind of thing, I got a kick out of it, but it makes for a probably annoying watch for people not so into that. There were some moments where they overdid things (like the political speech about gay (in)equality being her main fear about coming out).

But yeah, I really dug it. Plus, I have this fear that Allie and I will be inseparable sisters living in some swanky apartment failing to get boyfriends until one of us elopes in Vegas! ha, like we'd ever consider going to Vegas for anything!